o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
