Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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