A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
