You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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