Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
you made out with another girl for some wings
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
