When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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