You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
