you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
