Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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