Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize