We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
