you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
