Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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