im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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