your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
