I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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