I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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