HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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