Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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