If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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