i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Randomize
