You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
i think im in europe. pls send help
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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