Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Randomize