i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
