forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
