My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
That accounts for only three of the penises
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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