i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
