Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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