She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
