my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
