I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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