I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
