Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
