Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
