Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
