i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
