How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
