Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
