I just made out with a guy for $7.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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