i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
