Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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