you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Text me some of your sweat
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