I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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