had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Text me some of your sweat
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
