would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
