No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
don't judge my taste in strippers
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
