On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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