Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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