She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
