I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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