You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
