The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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