Your mouth is God's brothel.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
