He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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