Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
