he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
