Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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