shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
