I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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