morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
