My first STD was from a foam party
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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