She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
