one might say we're banned from that church
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
