everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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