the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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