rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Randomize
